Mario Bother

These are some new pajama pants that I bought for $9.99 from my local Mom and Pop's canteen, Target. They're comfortable and loose, and appropriate for all bedtimes. And wouldn't you know it, here's an article I found in Variety that describes what happened after I bought them:

"Wow, check out these hammer slacks! They've received full marks from the nation's top critics. They've appeared on over 100 top ten lists. Reviewers have piped, 'Boy, does that crotch ever ride appropriately low! There's a ripping yarn if I ever saw one.' Others have trilled, 'Hats off to an exceptional set of trousers! They really hit this one out of Pinna Park!' With the popularity of these pants leaping to the top of the girders, analysts suspect it's only a matter of time before they get the girl. Metaphorically, of course! Certain critics were not so barreled over, however, as one bashed the portly plumber's trademark duds: 'Overall, I'd say that the pants left me feeling kind of blue. And dare I say, high-waisted.' He even went on to knock the whole cask, deeming it 'so numbingly repetitive, I wished there was a POW button!'

"Nevertheless, this little grey barrel's on fire. The consensus among our nation's trouser enthusiasts is, 'these britches have it all buttoned down!' Wa-hoo, Mario! Yah, wa-hoo!"



This is really not a respectable update. I'm just distracting myself from the sad fact that I can't watch my own name go by on television for the first time because none of the televisions in this apartment are hooked up to cable. Boo hoo. And maybe that'd be easy to fix, but you see I'm quite busy hammering out terrible puns to describe my new pajamas. Oh well. C'est la me. Ho, ho.