You know when your coughs taste like the monkey bars you “accidentally” tasted in grade school because you were a filthy child? You know… like blood? I remember years later in health class when I found out that blood actually has a significant number of metal ions in it and finally making the connection. It was a moment of clarity I’ll never forget due to my mild embarrassment over sucking on a monkey bar.
Anyway, I just coughed and it tasted like that. Not like blood, but like metal. I think I’m getting sick. Or maybe I’m becoming a Terminator, which would be even more upsetting. It could be some computer virus. Let's review the symptoms: every time I blink my eyes, one pixel is removed from the clothing of a thickly muscled lumberjack until he is fully naked before me and pouring out two sloppy shots of bourbon. He tells me that the woods are unkind and then we knock those suckers back and kiss each other like our lives depended on it. Happens every time. The only bug I cannot catch is love. Our relations must remain purely erotic and devoid of emotional fire. A Terminator, unfortunately, can’t have it all.
Where was I? Oh yeah, I think I’m getting sick.
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1 comment:
Ok, so I never licked a monkey bar, because I have never been a little boy.
But, I had an even more embarrassing way of making the taste connection between metal and blood.
There was a Sweet Valley High book with the storyline of a hot man vampire totally chomping down on the necks of pretty girls in Sweet Valley. Fortunately, in the end, Jessica escaped a bloody death despite being a monkey bar suckin ho. Anyway, the book, which I read, used the phrase "the metallic taste of blood"
...Sweet Valley High
...Sexy Vampires
...best book ever
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